Or The Winter Doldrums That Seem They Will Never End
Oh these Winter doldrums.
I feel as if I am in a box of winter dreariness. The overwhelming bleak blahness of it all…dear god…I want to lie down and not ever move again. Bury me in down comforters and leave me be, at least until the sun has warmed the earth.
I am longing for warm air on my skin; long, languid days; that ability to step out the front door and not feel assaulted by the day.
I have learned to embrace winter so much more and have come to actually love winter-hiking and appreciate the cold fresh air in my lungs, but these past few weeks of rainy-snow and sleet and crazy winds have kept me inside, curled up with a blanket, usually a pleasant pastime but I am so ready to unfurl my winter-self and leap into spring.
I have wintered. I have rested and hot-chocolated and slept for hours and hours and hours. I have eaten soups and stews and hearty foods to the point where I reach for yoga pants daily rather than ones with all those restrictive fasteners and non-stretchy fabric.
I have lingered in bed and appreciated, truly appreciated, those days where the sun did not rise till nearly 7:30am.
I took 20 days off and wintered. I embraced the short cold days. I celebrated the long nights.
And I am done. Done. I want the Spring and I want it right fucking now. I feel like I am going to burst if we don’t have a warm, sunny day. Yesterday was a day of tears and wallowing, lamenting how very long this winter is and I repeat: done.
Then this morning I woke just before 7:00 and while still lying in bed, I heard the smallest snippet of a bird song. I almost missed it. It was so fast it almost didn’t count. Except it did. I heard that quarter line of a bird’s ballad and something in my heart broke open…suddenly I remembered how Spring arrives. Not with a bang. With with a whisper. Slowly, gently Winter transforms, like the shedding of layers, the world’s slowest strip-tease.
With that brief bird refrain, my heart broke open and out poured hope. Spring is coming, I will not be stuck in Winter forever. My heart broke open and out poured faith. The season is moving exactly as it should. The tiniest sliver of a bird song is exactly the right length for this February day.
Getting out of bed I was rewarded with the pinkest, goldest, most vibrant sunrise I’ve ever seen. It kicked all other sunrises asses because today, I really needed it. I needed to remember the beauty of this 20 degree morning. I needed to recall that despite the grayness of these past days and weeks, the sun is indeed shining behind it all.
Photo Credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/35702041@N00/11393703005/”>@Michael</a> via <a href=”http://compfight.com”>Compfight</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>